Have you heard of the divorce cake? It’s become a thing – a way to celebrate the end of a marriage, just as a cake is used to celebrate the beginning of one. Food and drink play a massive part in many celebrations in many cultures.  Divorce is now one of those occasions that is celebrated and can be celebrated with food and drink. More specifically – with divorce cake.

Why a divorce cake? Cakes are used as part of many of life’s celebrations. We have birthday cakes, wedding cakes, retirement cakes, baby shower cakes, Christmas cakes, bon voyage cakes and anniversary cakes. There’s often a show of cutting the cake and everyone at the celebration is offered a piece of the celebratory cake. We love cake.  We love celebrating with cake. (Who’s hungry right now?)

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divorce cake, divorce, separation, divorce law, family lawDivorce Cake: A Way To Sing It From the Rooftops

Traditionally divorce has been a life event that it’s been a bit taboo to talk about, let alone celebrate.  But times have changed and our culture is much more accepting of divorce and in understanding that it is helpful for some people to mark the occasion in a celebratory way. Relationship expert and Relate counsellor Christine Northam said: ‘Divorce has become much more familiar in modern life; it’s not the hushed secret it was years ago. . . Most of us have been affected by divorce, whether we’ve gone through it, know someone who has, or have been affected by our parents’ divorce, so the taboo status has lost much of its power.’

Coach, author and trainer, Chris Johnstone, said this when asked about why celebration matters:

“I’m just thinking about how important food is. Without food, we wither away. Food is nourishment. We also have needs for psychological nourishment or psycho-spiritual nourishment, emotional nourishment. I see celebration as one of those things that nourishes us psychologically, emotionally, spiritually. I was thinking about this also in terms of how important celebration is in keeping us going.

One of the thought blocks that people bump into sometimes is the voice that says “well what’s the point of doing this?” What celebration does is it gives us an answer to that. I think of it as helping shifting us from a going nowhere story where we feel we’re making no progress and have no direction to what I think of as a going somewhere story, where we feel that we’re on the way somewhere because we’re celebrating and marking important steps along the way.”

Divorce Cake Anyone?

Celebrating divorce with a divorce cake is becoming big business. Kim Say, the owner of Adult Cakes by Kim, a Houston bakery that specializes in adult-themed deserts, said divorce cakes are one of her specialties. “I have an entire selection of divorce cakes.”  She can even design cakes for specific marital problems.

For a woman who was divorcing a musician, she said, “I got a bunch of [little plastic] guitars and then I broke them in half and I threw them all over the cake.” She also said that one of her customers is a lawyer who buys several divorce cakes per year for his clients.

Divorce cakes can be very creative and some of them are just hilarious. Many look like wedding cakes ‘gone wrong’ and they can be a lot of fun.  Lisa Stevens, owner of Sweet Dreams Dessert & Cateringdivorce cake, divorce, separation, divorce law, family law in Florida, says of her divorce cakes, “We call them freedom cakes. I try to redirect the anger [of a divorce] to a more positive place when it comes to the cake.”

Celebration Moves Us Up and On

Anger is an emotion that many people feel during their divorce, but it is not the emotion that you want to hold onto. Celebration and ritual help us to mark certain milestones in our lives. In a situation where we sometimes feels a little unanchored, ritual can help us to feel grounded. It’s something that we are choosing to do as an act of moving forward. Cutting and eating a divorce cake after our divorce is one of those acts of positivity which helps to give our situation meaning.

James Windell, an author and therapist, says,
“What is the importance of a ritual? Rituals do several things for us. They mark the passage of time; they signify a milestone event; they help ease and publicize an important transition; they celebrate an ending or a beginning; and they are a public – or private – statement or acknowledgement of a transition from one stage of life to another.A divorce involves a significant loss – and certainly it should be marked by a ceremony or a ritual. Post divorce rituals can be invaluable tools to help you finally sever your emotional bonds toward someone you once loved.”[Tweet “Ritual and celebration can help us to feel grounded at a time when we’re untethered.”]
So whether your divorce cake is a lavish construction eaten with lots of friends or a smaller one cut with just a few – make sure that you savour the moment. Eat and be nourished.

At Divorce Lawyers Brisbane we understand that divorce can be a tumultuous time and that positivity can seem a long way away. Some people want to celebrate their parting of ways with a celebratory cake, but for others the heartache means that just eating normal meals can be a challenge. However you feel about your divorce, our experienced divorce lawyers can advise you with clarity and compassion. We offer a free, 10-minute phone consultation. Please contact us today!